Too many locked communities and too many tracker sites with egocentric, no tolerance policies. JpopSuki is one of them. It had been quite a while since I had logged into my account, so I attempted a few variations on what i usually use until i got into one. It was the wrong one. Apparently I had an account from ages ago. The mods are useless and rude.

Everytime you turn around, people are threatening to stop working on subtitles watched by hundreds of fans because one or two will take and repost without credit. I understand wanting credit for your hard work, but my god people, really??? You make me sad. ;.;

Then there are the communities that are obsessed with being credited for their work, but are so damned paranoid about ‘getting caught’ that they lock up their communities as if they’re fucking Fort Knox.

Trackers at least are easy to avoid. Thank the gods for file service sites like mediafire and MU. I like them better anyway.

I can’t understand how some can reject both as toys, hobbies, meaningless. How could you really use cards or stars and planets to predict future events, no matter how obscure the predictions?

I did a 3 card spread tonight, just because the deck was there and I felt I needed to.

King of Pentacles: skillful and successful leader in business industry or investments, financial and material power and success. Reliable, is not corrupt. Perseveres to accomplish set goals. Has the wisdom and discipline to consolidate achievements. Businessman, teacher, professor, mathematical aptitude, sharp insights, a loyal friend.

I have many of these types of men in my life. Most notably my friends dad and a man I met at school when I started back in the fall. They teach me so much and encourage me. They’ve helped me achieve a deeper understanding and have helped me reach the level of maturity I now find myself at.

but this is where the meaning really starts:

2 of Wands – Reversed

A prosperous start is followed by stagnation. Difficulties. Unexpected, unpleasant “surprises,” reaching a goal that turns out to be without value. Sadness and depression. Sense of emptiness after success. Apprehension toward knowledge. Bodily suffering. Dominated and held back by others. Disavowal of intellect. Terror of the intellect (rationalism). Sorrow amid the splendor of worldly wealth. Empty Success.

This card is meant to represent the present. And I’ve found that I can easily apply these meanings to things that have been foremost in my thoughts. When I went back to school last fall, I managed to consistently earn straight A’s and B’s, unlike the last time. This time around I sadly didn’t do so well. I felt… like I didn’t really exist? There was no motivation, a feeling of nagging stagnancy that I thought I had done away with returned and wouldn’t leave me be. It creeps from the shadows sometimes, and it’s more effort than I can muster to shove it back sometimes. I think the best proof that I’ve been feeling this way for a while is the post I made a while back, regarding my dislike of my current singleness. I feel alone, a feeling I think I’ve tried to replace with the emotional high that comes from putting myself in the shoes of the characters in asian dramas. The emotional rollercoaster these shows can send me on is addicting. I need it. I crave it. I must have it. It makes me FEEL SOMETHING. Something that isn’t… nothing.

The unpleasant surprise and bodily suffering would be the recent discovery of my diabetes. I’m not liking this. And come to find out, that that’s in part maybe why I’ve been feeling so tired and unable to move. A symptom of high sugars is tiredness.

Meanwhile at work, I do feel held back. Our department is broken, and it’s making it nearly impossible to do our jobs. Our manager only wants to watch her own ass, though, so the worker ants are left to take the blame when something fails. And it is failing. On a near daily basis. But I have no where to turn to except the other co-workers that are in the same position I’m in. There’s no where else to go. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, the only way out is forward. And that path is steadfastly blocked by ms. manager. Brilliant. It doesn’t take a genius to see that the worker ants are on the breaking point. Soon it’ll be all out war.

and the Knight of Chalices. What does the future hold in store? We have yet to see, but hopefully it’s not far off from the last card.

A love, opportunity, or proposal comes closer. Arrival, approach, attraction. Spiritual reward. A nice visitor. Messages. Having a calling, the call of duty. Being asked, social action. Being initiated, self-discovery. Transference of feelings, romance attraction. A challenge to fulfill one’s self to the benefit of humankind. The fit to share and carry out imagination and emotions. Announcement of a new way of life.

Episode 3 killed me. The ending to this episode was epic! XD

Spoilers Under Cut!

Oh if only that sheet were a tad bit thinner…  *le sigh*

In two days I completely finished re-watching Majo no Jouken and now I’m onto Boku Dake no Madonna. (Tackey is <3 ) While I’m at it, I’m transferring these dramas from data dvd to my 500 GB external. Yay for cutting down on clutter even a little bit more! I want to get down from three CD cases (one huge, two small) to just one of the small ones.

Also came across some Savage Garden mv’s that i had saved back in… 2005? XD

Mmmm, I has missed you Savage Garden, even if I didn’t necessarily realize that I missed you.

To start off the show two of his back dancers came out on stage to hype things up. Juice and… John Michael?… something like that. And they introduced Joey. There was some dancing and yada yada.

Then Jin showed up. I have a tad bit of really bad video that I’ll be able to upload once I’m home rather than on my netbook. It’s not much. The venue was really small. Just your typical theater. My seat was pretty damn good. Dead center, not too far back that I couldn’t see anything. Amazing! Akanishi Jin was right THERE IN FRONT OF ME!

Anyway, I started to fangirl for real when we got to Chicago. XD Omg! I was in the same city as Jin! I didn’t expect that to ever be the case when I got into Johnny’s.

At any rate, I wish I could remember the order and all the songs he sang, but I’m so tired (actually fell asleep on the car ride home). Some of the ones I remember from the beginning are Wonder, I.N.P and of course Love Juice and My Page. He also sang Yellow Gold, Body Talk, Fifth Season (those two were really beautiful songs! I can’t wait for the CD!), MP3, Wooha (?) and ended in Tipsy Love

UPDATE:

SETLIST (taken from drphoenix’s lj)

Christmas Morning
Bass Go Boom
Wonder ft. Crystal Kay
I.N.P.
A PAGE
Oowah (NEW)
Body Talk (NEW)
The Fifth Season (NEW)
Paparats
World Dance
Lovejuice
Hey Girl
Yellow Gold
my mp3
Tipsy Love

For a brief vid, you should be able to watch it on my facebook without friending since i made it viewable by everyone!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/video/video.php?v=464249432147

He def showed his dorky side!  There was a video at one point. He left stage and the video showed him sitting down, taking a drink from a water bottle and grabbing a phone and texting. The screen went blank and started showing words like it was his texts. It started to read things like “Are you having fun?” and “I can’t hear you” as everyone screamed. Then said he was going to tease our brains. (at one point it had to go back for a spelling mistake XD ) and gave one of those ‘pick a number, add/multiply/subtract/divide whatever order. Next text told the audience some of us are slow and proceeded to go through it again. Was really funny!

I really liked the dance segment too when they did a theatrical type deal with kabuki masks or whatever. Was really cool!

Wish I could have gotten vid. But the venue was small and staff were EVERYWHERE!

Was a really great concert though! Totally worth it! Was sad it had to end so soon.

So I moved to Indiana for a change of scenery, regathered myself, and was ready to go back to school and work. Which I did, last fall.

Now it’s just one giant uphill battle.

I’m constantly looking around me and seeing people my age with husbands and kids. Either people that were my classmates, were a year behind, or that I don’t know at all, but come into the store with husbands and babies. And it hits me, that I’m still alone. And I hate it.

Financially I’m where a lot of people are. Sometimes I’m good to go, and sometimes something comes along to knock me back down and I’ living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes I’m kind of in between.

Right now, I’m in between. There are grand possibilities that I’ve waited almost literally my entire life for. A remote chance for over-seas travel and new and wonderful experiences. But things keep knocking me around, and my financial grip is threatening to slip. Gods only know what I would have done recently without my parents help, they do what they can money wise. And I love them for it. I’m 24 and out of the house. There’s really no reason for them to help me at all money wise. But they still do.

But there’s still something missing. Monetary assistance is nice and all, but the worst part is what I was talking about before. I’m 24. 25 will be here all too soon. And then it’s just a short time before I’m hitting 30. And I’m still alone. And it really does kill me. Because I don’t want to be alone. I’ve never wanted to be alone. I’ve always ALWAYS wanted that form of companionship that comes with a committed relationship. There’s a degree of comfort in that level of sharing that you can’t get from parents or friends. And I don’t mean from a sexual standpoint. In general life experiences I want, crave, someone to stand next to me and just say “we’ll work things out”. Instead of always having to work things out on my own.

The intention for today was to go to Yellow Springs for the Youngs Jersey Dairy corn maze that ends this weekend. Forgetful me didn’t bother to look at the fact that it’s only open Saturday and Sunday. <.< So instead we had ice cream (which was basically my breakfast) before heading to Sunrise Cafe. For those who don’t know, Youngs Jersey Dairy is a family owned dairy farm complete with restaurants, gift shops, a bakery, petting zoo, farm tours, batting cages, mini golf, a driving range and various seasonal events like their corn maze, pumpkin patch and hay ride.

Sunrise Cafe was awesome. The atmosphere was unique and the food was really healthy and really delicious. Their entire menu is made from scratch to order and is entirely local and organic.

After foods we went browsing in some of the small shops along the street. That was quite a bit of fun. I bought a China Tarot deck. ^.^

After that I had to take her home since she had other plans. I however, made my way to Fashion Bug and bought $200 worth of new cloths for winter!

Feles – you’ll get pics of the new cloths a bit later ^.^

I am

I am a:

a daughter

a sister

a friend,

Someday a lover, a wife, a mother.

A bit deeper…

I am a kind, caring, thoughtful person.

Deeper…

I am selfish

a manipulator

a hypocrite

a heinous bitch

materialistic

I am a sadist with masochistic tendencies.

I am also…

a hopeless romantic

a naive observer

a jaded idealist

I am contradiction

a whimsical daydreamer

a reality check

Your worst nightmare

Your wildest dream

I am a junkie

the emotional roller coaster is my high.

Ivy, I’ve hated you since the start. You’re spiteful and mean spirited. Childish jealousy is not attractive. Grow up.

And my gods Gretchen, you are NOT teh shiz nit. XD Get over yourself already.

to end on a good note though…

OMG ANDY I LUVS YOU! XD Don’t let the mean spirited harpies turn you all hateful.

That is all.